نابهنگام

I was never truely interested in iving. Just bouncing off one wave and storm to another, such was my ilfe. Living as if there is no tomorrow. Living in "apocalypse now". There is no tomorrow and whence, there is no point in tidying up my place, or do groceries, or make a nice breakfast. What's the point of buying a flower or plant, if it's all gonna end tomorrow. Today I discovered I might be interested in living, to look forward to tomorrow and the days that follow. Today, I made bread. I mixed flour, salt, olive oil and water, and put it in the oven. I made coffee. Then I drank coffee, felt the crunchy bread breaking into pieces, tasted the condensed bitter and almost sour taste of coffee.I thought tomyself, I'm alive, and this is how being alive feels like. There is nothing extatic about the taste of coffee or bread. It's just a subtle taste or sensation. It's not a buing sensation either. But perhaps, that's quite enough. + نوشته شده در  دوشنبه بیست و چهارم بهمن ۱۴۰۱ساعت 11:23&nbsp توسط فلانی  |  نابهنگام...ادامه مطلب

Truth is like an onion. You think once you take the vail off, you discover the truth undeeath. And then you discover there's another layer, and then another. But once you're done with uncovering the last layer of truth, there is nothing left. ***Something broke. I feel broken into pieces, disolved into a mix of anger, freustration, fear, futility, and despair. Everything is terrible and is only getting worse. Every intimate relationship I  cherished, every joke I laughed to, every glimpse of hope, and just about every pleasant emotion I hever had, feels hollow. From all the good things, all the remaining pieces are just a reminder the best of times is over. If this was the best part, what am I looking forward to? At the gloomy end of the tunnel, what kind of monster is awaiting me?***"The next chapter of my life" is one of those sugar-coating phrases that people throw aroun, to avoid saying I'm inching closer to dying. Alas, if there was a manual for dying. No one know ever came back to tell us of how they felt.***All the talk about youth and how valuable they are is  Everyoen who's young, will eventually be old, and everyone who's old was once young.***How animal-like and pure someone behaves is a suprisingly good indicator of how much I like them. Which explains why in my view, the biggest threat that climate change poses is to the otters, meerkats, rabits, and crows. Their worth far exceeds humans'.***Is it worth to live? Am I worth living? Is anyone wo نابهنگام...ادامه مطلب

There's a thin line separating the "all too serious" and all the "all too sad." You can walk on the edge, like a kid following lines on a sidewalk. Only then can you appreciate the solitude of a singl نابهنگام...ادامه مطلب

I was late as usual for getting home, waiting for the last bus. Took a look at the time table, it was due in 15 minutes. Thought it would be easier to get home by bike. So I got one public bike, start نابهنگام...ادامه مطلب

چند ماه پیش یکی ازم یه سؤالی پرسید که تا حالا بهش اینطوری فک نکرده بودم. گفت لغت مورد علاقه‌ت توی آلمانی چیه. الآن که فک می‌کنم میبینم توی هر زبونی بعضی لغات به طرز جالبی با آدم ارتباط برقرار می‌کنن. نابهنگام...ادامه مطلب

Have you ever wondered why Super Mario's sole life goal was to rescue the princess? Did he ever become sad or depressed? Did he ever have a significant life crisis, some existential problems? Did he ponder if he could have had a modest life without having to fight dragons and jump across rivers of lava? Perhaps worst of all, did he remember that he's already rescued the prince a hundred times? That no matter whether he dies or achieves his goal, he'll still be doing the same things, with the same music theme, wearing the same clothes. Could he at least for the night, take his clothes off, wear a pajama, and dream?

نابهنگام...

سال ۷۲ ... آهنگ گلبانگ دو ... پیکان خاکستری، راه شمال، من خوابیده‌ام روی صدنلی پشت ماشین پاهامو دادم هوا، از شیشه پشت ماشین دارم به آسمون آبی آفتابی نگاه میکنم. هر از گاهی سر دورهای تند جاده چالوس به این ور اون ور کشیده میشم

***

سال ۷۷ ... پر از هیجان ... نوار جدید بازی میکرو رو خریدیم، تانک بازی جدیدش بود. بابام هم آلبوم شب سکوت کویر رو گرفت. وقتی گذاشتش هیشکی بجز بابام خوشش نیومد. 

***

سال ۸۱ ... آهنگ quiet revolution از کریس دی برگ ... تابستون داغ و بی هدف. There's a quiet revolution going on ... 

نابهنگام...

The only reason I want to climb up the maslow pyramid is to proclaim at the top that I being a human is either to be sorrowful, or totally dellusional. 

نابهنگام...

In a futuristic utopia, technology and science have all blossomed to provide humanity with all healthy food, clean water, and safe shelters. Everyone lives for 150 years because of advances in medicin نابهنگام...ادامه مطلب

Am I doing it right? Am I doing life right? Oh is life going to be all like it's been so far? Am I soon gonna be a bald fat white-haired 57 years old dude, looking my the half of a century of mixed su نابهنگام...ادامه مطلب